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fifty-two things tagged “shitkraken

My attempt to log the ongoing saga of Republican batshittery and eptitude over a purportedly ‘stolen’ election. Saved so I can get drunk and have a laugh scrolling through these stories later. If it ever ends, that is.

What the fuck, man

Former Member of “Elite-Strike Force” Legal Team now on Illustrious Client’s No-Go List to Save him the Embarrassment and Discomfiture of his Association with Her

Forgot to add this to my Collection of Shitkraken. Two lawyers who currently work for Trump or in the former president’s inner orbit say they want absolutely nothing to do with her and have cautioned others in MAGAland to do the same. One said they’d recently deleted her phone number. Two other peo…

Fearless Leader of Former (Un-Reinstated) President’s “Elite Strike-Force” Legal Team resorts to side-hustle on Cameo after raising a staggering 0.2% of the $5 million towards the legal defense fund he will need to fight the voting company he baselessly accused of ballot-tampering

Yes, weeks after his buddy Bernie Kerik asked people to spare whatever they could for Giuliani‘s legal bills, the “Rudy Giuliani Legal Defense Fund” has raised a mere $9,590, or less than 0.2% of the $5 million goal. (It’s not clear if the RGLDF is a separate entity the “Rudy Giuilani Freedom Fund…

Fearless Leader of former President’s Elite Strike-Force Legal Team Gets Wasted and Advises his Client to “Just Declare Victory” Regardless of Outcome

“Just say we won,” Giuliani reportedly instructed Trump’s team, explaining that they should simply declare victory in each battleground state. Giuliani is then said to have told Trump directly: “Just go declare victory right now… You’ve got to go declare victory now.” Some solid strategery here. T…

The “No Reasonable Person Could Possibly Believe My Bullshit” Defense Fails for Former Member of Elite Strike-Force Team as Judge Denies Motion to Dismiss Dominion’s Defamation Suit Against Her.

The Fearless Leader’s motion was denied as well. Pillow Bro as well. The best people. “As an initial matter, there is no blanket immunity for statements that are “political” in nature: as the Court of Appeals has put it, the fact that statements were made in a “political ‘context’ does not indiscri…

Former Member of Elite Strike-Force Team Will Most Likely be Reprimanded by a Judge for Legal Ineptitude Over “Fluid” and Unpredictable Election

I’d really hoped that this embarrassment would’ve been forgotten a few weeks after January 6th. But here we are. “Should an attorney be sanctioned for his or her failure to withdraw allegations the attorney came to know were untrue?,” [U.S. Judge Linda Parker] said during a court hearing held by vi…

Fearless Leader of Elite Strike-Force Team Suspended from Practicing Law in Home State where he was Once Top Federal Prosecutor

This led him to miss a court hearing where his own lawyer sought to dismiss a billion-dollar defamation case against him. This is because the Strike-Force Honcho made “false and misleading” claims about the equipment used in the 2020 election on behalf of his Stable Genius client. I wonder how much…

Leader of the Elite Strike-Force Team Peddles Pillows for CEO who wanted the Former President of these United States to Impose Martial Law over Losing the Most Secure Election this Democracy has Enjoyed So Far

I still remember Giuliani’s stature and gravitas 20 years ago, when I arrived in this country. How the mighty have fallen. It’s almost as if The Orange Sphere of Shit corrupts all those who enter it. And comically so in the case of America’s Mayor. Rick Wilson, the GOP political consultant who cre…

Texan Lawsuit, filed by disgraced attorney who posted videos of himself at the Capitol Attack, cites “The Lord of the Rings” as justification for the removal of the new President and stewardship by the old President’s cabinet.

It would appear that my collection of batshittery is far from complete. “Gondor has no king,” the lawsuit states, a footnote providing an explanation of the woeful fate of Tolkien’s entirely imaginary land populated by dragons, wizards, hobbits and elves, all threatened by a baleful Dark Lord back…

It’s Not Over

Until all votes are counted. Until all votes are recounted. Until all votes are recounted by hand. Until the lawsuits are filed. Until the lawsuits are appealed at the State Supreme Courts. Until the lawsuits are appealed at the Supreme Court. Until the states certify the results. Until the electo…

“He was delighted.”

“And I’m sure you’ve also had conversations with other senior White House officials, as I have,” Sasse continued. “As this was unfolding on television, Donald Trump was walking around the White House confused about why other people on his team weren’t as excited as he was as you had rioters pushin…

Mister Babcock is Just Fine

When conservative activist Meshawn Maddock obtained a list of allegedly dead Michigan voters, she didn’t report it to law enforcement. […] The list of 150 or so names was part of a larger file of more than 2,000 people who “voted in Wayne County by absentee ballot that are CONFIRMED deceased,” clai…

Shitkraken Part Deux - The Leghumper

The SC swatted it away like the “Garbage, but dangerous garbage” it was, but even this “conservative evangelical American blogger and radio host” just had it with the sycophantic tantrum: I personally think my company should pay me workers compensation for brain damage for having to read that lawsu…

The Joke

Trump has been saying the pandemic has been totally under control since January, and said it would just “go away” in February. He reiterated this in March as the virus surged, and insisted we had “perfect” tests that anyone could get after reports of faulty tests. He said he wanted pandemic-relate…

The Kraken Is Dead.

Well, shit. Emphasis mine: … a judge in Wisconsin dismissed the fourth and final lawsuit, noting that it is voters, not judges, who decide who goes to the White House. “Federal judges do not appoint the president in this country,” U.S. District Judge Pamela Pepper wrote in a 45-page ruling. “One…

Bassakwardkraken

Despite being cut loose from President Donald Trump’s legal team, Powell is forging ahead with her election-conspiracy crusade to overturn Joe Biden’s presidential win. But the conservative attorney’s self-described Kraken keeps getting its tentacles tied in a knot of typos and errors — including t…

A Kraken of Shit

To the surprise of no one (well, normal people), “The Kraken”, authored by an ex-member of the “Elite Strike-Force Team”, turned out to be a “truly awful” and unmistakably QAnon-laced lawsuit full of basic formatting, spelling, and grammatical errors that would “drive a proofreader to drink.” From a…